An emotional rollercoaster

Honestly, the last 24 hours have provided me with enough topics for at least 3 or 4 posts. I think I will just talk generally about the events of yesterday and then take each topic in turn over the next few days as I work through them all in my head.

I don’t feel great this morning. I’m more tired than normal, my head hurts more than normal, and I feel like I am thinking in slow motion. I’m hoping that I’ll get better as the day goes on.

Yesterday, I woke up feeling really down. I have been like this the last several days. I know that part of the problem is that more and more of the people that are close to me keep coming down with covid. But, there are several other layers as well.

Most days, I’m usually able to talk myself around and I generally start feeling better as the day goes on. But then, the next morning I would be blue again.

Yesterday morning started the same way. I felt really down. I woke up and published my post describing my latest attempts to cook and how they had inched me forward but that I was still having difficulties.

Then, I turned to working on a post about my negativity and trying to fight through it. In the middle of that, I got distracted (which happens a lot these days) and started checking my email. That’s when I saw that my coworkers had banded together and bought me gift cards to help me with food delivery.

At the same time, I also received a Facebook message with a link to an inspirational song. That song immediately linked to another inspirational song. I knew at that moment that God was sending me a message that I would be okay.

I felt overwhelmed by the generosity of my coworkers and by the grace of God and I broke down crying for several minutes.

When I finally pulled myself together, I got dressed and went to have yet more blood tests done. When I came back, I received a call from my primary care physician’s office.

They reported that my PCP had finished reviewing my MRI and ultrasound that she ordered. They reported that my MRI looked normal except that my sinuses were inflamed and that the doctor recommended that I take sinus medicine. Only problem is that I am already taking sinus medicine.

She also reported that the clot in my leg under my knee was now chronic and unlikely to dissolve as it had calcified.

And that’s it. That’s all she said.

I did a Google search on calcified blood clots. What I read said that it was no big deal and doesn’t usually even hurt. Which, of course, is BS. Because this one does.

So, once again, I felt like I spent a lot of money and time to get very little answers.

The next step is to send the same info to my neurologist and hemotologist and hope that they have more to say. I’m also going to get started with pacing and a new sleep schedule starting next week in the hopes that it helps with my fatigue.

But, at the time the call took place, all I felt was crushed.

After that call, I also received an invitation to help with the recount here in Georgia. I wrestled greatly with the decision on whether or not to volunteer to the point where my brain fog definitely got the best of me and I felt tired, confused, and overwhelmed.

As of this morning, I think I will have to sit out that effort. I think it’s all a bit too much for me at the moment.

But, yesterday and this week have definitely given me a lot to try to wrap my mind around. I think I will just focus on processing through everything today.

#covid #doctor #spirituality #bloodclot #longcovid #medical #religion #chronicfatigue