Disability

I am a lawyer and I have worked in civil rights and discrimination law before. So, I know the legal definition of disability well.

The legal definition of disability is having a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more “major life activities.”

And what is a major life activity, you may ask? That would be day-to-day things like cooking, cleaning, getting dressed, thinking, working, etc.

So, I know that technically, I am disabled. It was a hard realization to come to.

People who know me well know that covid isn’t my first or only debilitating disorder. I also have a functional neurological disorder.

I haven’t talked about it a lot lately because it doesn’t affect my immune system or my vascular system and as far as medicine and science knows, it didn’t make it any more likely for me to get sick with covid or long-covid.

So, I haven’t wanted to muddy the waters by talking too much about it. But, I will make a separate post about that too.

Having a functional neurological disorder never really made me feel disabled even at its worst. I think it never made me feel that way because it always came in waves and so I knew eventually, the attack would pass and I would be okay. I’d get back up, go back to work, and everything would pretty much be normal. At least, until the next attack hit.

Having covid is different though. It doesn’t come in waves for me. Some days I am sicker than others (see this post for more on my symptoms). But, there is the version of me that exists now and there is version of me from 5 months ago that hasn’t come back.

I am disabled. I can’t function normally. I can’t cook like I used to. I can’t keep my house clean like I used to. I can’t exercise like I used to. I can’t work like I used to.

And suddenly, I can see more clearly a struggle that I didn’t really understand before. A struggle being faced by many disabled people and people with chronic illnesses every day. All the time.

As much as you’d like to function at 100%, you just can’t. You need help. But, now when you need help is when it becomes even harder to get help.

I’m very lucky. I have disability insurance so that I’m not dependent on having to ask the government for help. That would be even more work, even more red tape, and even less money.

And yet still, the insurance company is making me jump through a million and one hoops. That includes multiple trips to the doctor not covered by insurance to answer their questions (many of which are incredibly redundant).

This incredible amount of effort is for a smaller amount of money than what I currently take in.

But, my expenses aren’t going down, they’re going up. I now need more help and more things like more medicine and food delivery.

So, to be disabled or chronically sick in this country means needing more help and instead getting less than when you were healthy.

And when you sit back and think about it, boy, does that seem messed up.

I didn’t really understand before. But, I do now. And when/if I get better, I hope that I don’t forget this lesson.

#covid #voicesofthevirus #longcovid #disability #chronicillness #medical #cfs #chronicfatigue