Still a Lab Rat

This is possibly one of the longest breaks that I have had between updates. It’s been a tough and confusing time for me. I started my new medication last week and I have been having a hard time figuring out what, if any, effect the medicine is having on me.

My doctor had told me to start by taking half a pill.

The first few days, I wasn’t sure if there was any effect at all. I didn’t really feel any more energetic. I still felt tired. I still felt rundown and I still felt heavy. But, I did notice that I wasn’t napping as much.

Still, that didn’t really help much because I still didn’t really have the energy to do things. At least when I take a nap, I usually wake up and have more energy and get a few things done.

After a few days, I noticed that I did seem to have a sudden uptick of energy at the end of the day. I couldn’t tell if it was coincidence or the pill. But, I theorized that maybe the pill had a delayed effect and that maybe I needed to take it earlier to get it to kick in at the right time.

I realized that would mean taking it at a point that I was supposed to be asleep. If the only thing that the pill actually did was keep me from sleeping, then I would risk getting no sleep at all, which would lead me to get even sicker.

So, the next day I tried taking the pill and then lying back down and seeing if I fell back asleep. I took the pill around 7:30 in the morning and went and laid back down. I fell back asleep and woke up at 10. So, I figured that I could actually sleep even having taken the pill.

So, the next day, I took the pill at night in the hopes that I would sleep through the night but wake up with energy.

I slept. But, my sleep was more broken than normal. Ever since I contracted covid, I have sleep disturbances and wake up several times in the night. I had worked hard to get to the point where I slept more and woke up less. I am now at the point where I usually wake up only once or twice. That night, I woke up 4 or 5 times and had vivid, ghoulish nightmares.

But, the next morning, I woke up fairly early. I theorized that maybe it was the pill that was giving me energy and I was right about the delayed effect. I was active for a decent amount of time that day. I managed to give myself a facial and paint my nails. It was the nicest that I had felt about myself in a long time. But then again, the moment that I finished, I laid down on my couch to rest my back and accidentally fell asleep. So, I couldn’t really tell if the experiment had been a success or not.

What may be worse is that I can’t really remember a lot of the next day. I can’t remember when or if I took the pill and how much energy I did or didn’t have.

I know that night, I did attempt to take the pill at night again. This time though, I hardly slept at all.

Then, the next morning I woke up and felt unnaturally awake. I was active for quite a while and then felt exhausted.

I knew that I really needed to sleep. So, I decided to not take the pill that night. But, I still didn’t sleep well. The next day, I woke up, did a few things and then spent the entire afternoon slipping in and out of consciousness.

That night, I went to sleep on time. I slept pretty well and had only one weird dream. I also woke up at a decent time the next morning.

I wanted to try something different and was fearful of taking the pill at night again. So, I took a whole pill and took it in the morning because I was fearful of taking it at night. But, this time, I felt no surge of energy at any point. I just didn’t fall asleep.

Next, I tried the whole pill in the morning and did my best to try to go back to my old attempted pacing schedule where I take short rest breaks instead of naps. The morning went okay.

But, by noon, I felt sick and exhausted. I didn’t feel like I could stay upright and keep going. I felt exhausted and dizzy. I felt cramps. My chest hurt. My head hurt. My wrist hurt. My leg hurt. I also started having some myoclonus issues too.

It was soon after that I discovered that I started my cycle. So, I have absolutely no idea how much that may have affected me and the way I feel.

In short, so far, I am at a total loss as to if these pills are helping me at all and I am at a bit of a loss as to what to do next.

I’m still a lab rat, trying everything and getting very mixed results. That same rollercoaster that most longhaulers are on.

But, I believe that the next step for me if I can’t get this pill to work would be to try my primary care physician’s plan. And that very well could work. So, hope springs eternal.

I’m so tired of not having good news to share. Still, I am down but not out. I’ll keep trying. I’ll just keep trying.

#symptoms #functionalneurologicaldisorder #treatment #sleepdisorders #reproductiveissues #stimulants #longcovid #medical #chronicfatigue