When Will I Stop?

I’m now three weeks into my return to work. This last week definitely went better than the week before. But, it was emotionally difficult. I broke down crying on Monday. A cry I probably needed.

I hadn’t fully allowed myself to process my grandfather’s death until that moment. Plus, after a week of not sleeping well, I was very, very tired.

Monday led me to another conclusion, though. I decided that it might be time to find an objective person to talk to. So, I signed up for therapy.

Because being a lawyer is often a difficult and emotionally draining profession, it is high up on a lot of bad lists. More likely to commit suicide. More likely to develop a mental illness. More likely to develop a substance abuse problem or an eating disorder.

Because of that, the State Bar of Georgia offers 6 free therapy sessions a year. I’m finally using mine. And all it took was a pandemic; a second serious, rare and chronic health condition; and my only grandpa dying on top of the usual troubles that I already have to get me to finally use the service. Go figure.

I also had a monumentally good thing happen to me this week. I got my second dose of the Moderna covid vaccine. I am fully vaccinated. And if I am lucky, I may even curb or solve my long-covid issues like other survivors have.

It’s been 3 days so far and I feel the same. I don’t think I got any of the bad side effects from the vaccine. But, I don’t know. My arm hurt, my muscles ached, my head hurt, I was tired. But, I always feel that way.

So, for right now, I feel no worse and no better. But, hope springs eternal. And of course, it begs the question of what would I do with this blog.

I asked myself that question first when I went back to work. I have less time. I am advancing with my recovery. Does this mean that I should stop blogging?

But, honestly, my answer came quickly and easily to me. I’ll stop when I run out of things to say. That may be next week, tomorrow, or next year. But, one thing I am emphatically trying to not do anymore is force my life. I refuse to force my life. I’d rather let it be what it’s supposed to be.

I promise I will try to give my readers a heads-up before I end my blog. Until then, you can keep tuning in and keep expecting updates.

#functionalneurologicaldisorder #mentalhealth #sleepdisorders #vaccination #reflection #spirituality #recovery #voicesofthevirus #bodyaches #chronicfatigue